Thursday, August 20, 2009


dear person who stole my phone,
you don't know me, but you know my phone.
actually you probably know me better than i know you, being that you have access to my phone call records, text messages, pictures, and calendar.
i don't have anything to hide, but it kind of bothers me that you know so much about me, and all i know about that you don't seem to be very smart.

i'm not saying i'm the smartest person in the world,
especially when it comes to stealing,
in fact i'm not sure i know how to steal at all,
but i do feel like you might need to know these few tips.

  • when you steal a phone, off the charger, you might want to take the charger too. eventually the phone's battery will die down, and then what will you do? it wasn't like the charger wasn't available to you, being that you had to physically unplug the phone from the charger.
  • when you steal a phone, it probably isn't smart to respond to text messages from people whose names are saved in the phone. those people actually know the person that owns the phone, and your sketchy ghetto talk comes across as "strange" to the person you might have texted. (example: dat blu 1)
  • when you steal a phone, maybe you shouldn't answer the phone when people call whose name and number are saved in the phone. being that they actually do know the person who you stole the phone from, and they might find it weird that someone answers the phone, and just makes noise. in fact those people might actually call back again.
  • speaking of people calling the phone back again, they are calling because they want to talk to the person that owns the phone. so, maybe, just maybe you shouldn't feel the need to call one of them back and ask a question like "why you keep calling this verizon phone?" and then don't follow that question up with "my sister done stole dis phone." really?!?! i'm pretty sure the person you just told that to, figured you didn't get the phone from the store!
  • and if you do choose to call a person back, who has been calling the phone which was stolen, next time, you might not want to call from an unblocked land line, that can be traced, being that it is attached to a physical address. even if you did make a choice to call from a home that wasn't yours, the person that let you into their house, to use their phone, actually knows you, and is willing to give your name to the police, after the police trace the number, find the address, and spend lots of time at the home of the phone which you chose to use to call said person back.

so, dear not so smart person who stole my phone from my classroom at school right off the charger,
i hope that you have learned a few things from this experience,
but if not, i hope these suggestions might help you a little bit.
and remember, you're awesome
at being a complete idiot!



Deva84 said...

ohh my Dear Lord! he'she really did that??? people can be so I mean SO stupid!

hope you feel ok after your lost... well you seem ok to me!

bisous. deva.

Anonymous said...

Hello from SITS!

lol - to your post, not the stealing. I hope you can get things back in order!

Anonymous said...

Hi from SITS. I really dislike people who are almost proud of their misdeeds like stealing. My husband once pretended he was someone who had stolen his cell phone when I texted him to see if he had found it yet. That's the closest I've come to that situation.

Mrs. Goodneedle said...

So, did you get it back?

Amethyst Moon said...

OH MY GOSH! You've got to be kidding me! Really?! This is so funny! but so not! I'm so sorry for the loss of your phone, but so happy you got such a hysterically funny post from it! I can't stop laughing at the stupidity for some people!
My theme song for this would be "Dumb" by Nirvana

Randi Troxell said...

WOW WOW!! just WOW! did he for real answer texts from ppl... hehe.. I tell ya what!!!

Kristina P. said...

Well, at least you will probably get it back. Yay for stupid people!

LiLu said...

Did they catch him?? Please, please say yes. That would be too awesome for words.

Stephanie said...

Ha! I am so sorry that someone stole your phone. But I have to say that your post totally cracked me up! I will have to read it to Josh. He will love it.

Bridgette said...

Hi from SITS. Sorry to hear about your cell phone. I hope you got it back from the idiot who stole it.