awesome

dear person who stole my phone,
you don't know me, but you know my phone.
actually you probably know me better than i know you, being that you have access to my phone call records, text messages, pictures, and calendar.
i don't have anything to hide, but it kind of bothers me that you know so much about me, and all i know about you....is that you don't seem to be very smart.

i'm not saying i'm the smartest person in the world,
especially when it comes to stealing,
in fact i'm not sure i know how to steal at all,
but i do feel like you might need to know these few tips.

• when you steal a phone, off the charger, you might want to take the charger too. eventually the phone's battery will die down, and then what will you do? it wasn't like the charger wasn't available to you, being that you had to physically unplug the phone from the charger.
  
• when you steal a phone, it probably isn't smart to respond to text messages from people whose names are saved in the phone. those people actually know the person that owns the phone, and your sketchy ghetto talk comes across as "strange" to the person you might have texted. (example: dat blu 1)
  
• when you steal a phone, maybe you shouldn't answer the phone when people call whose name and number are saved in the phone. being that they actually do know the person who you stole the phone from, and they might find it weird that someone answers the phone, and just makes noise. in fact those people might actually call back again.
  
• speaking of people calling the phone back again, they are calling because they want to talk to the person that owns the phone. so, maybe, just maybe you shouldn't feel the need to call one of them back and ask a question like "why you keep calling this verizon phone?" and then don't follow that question up with "my sister done stole dis phone." really?!?! i'm pretty sure the person you just told that to, figured you didn't get the phone from the store!
  
• and if you do choose to call a person back, who has been calling the phone which was stolen, next time, you might not want to call from an unblocked land line, that can be traced, being that it is attached to a physical address. even if you did make a choice to call from a home that wasn't yours, the person that let you into their house, to use their phone, actually knows you, and is willing to give your name to the police, after the police trace the number, find the address, and spend lots of time at the home of the phone which you chose to use to call said person back.
  

so, dear not so smart person who stole my phone from my classroom at school right off the charger,
i hope that you have learned a few things from this experience,
but if not, i hope these suggestions might help you a little bit.
and remember, you're awesome
at being a complete idiot!

sincerely,
l.o.v.